I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
pop tarts are not kleenex
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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