is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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