If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
