As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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