your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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