I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
