i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
