So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
