I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
that's an acceptable place to lick
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
