i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
