apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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