I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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