Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
