dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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