I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
