we have officially lost it.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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