I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
