I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
