There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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