How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
