My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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