Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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