She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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