dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
