currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
being pregnant is like rehab
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
