the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
