This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
