and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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