Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
