I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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