I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Every concussion has its silver lining
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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