We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
