Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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