the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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