I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
