he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
