well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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