Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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