You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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