i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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