i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
