It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
