her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
