nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
God, I missed his penis.
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