He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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