Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
