So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
