So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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