Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
A bitchslap is in order.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
