i may or may not be watching the land before time
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
