I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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