therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
